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Spideysgirl
October 3rd, 2017, 07:56 PM
I have the worst time in relationships. It seems everyone I date has or wants to disrespect my parents. I've been single now for a three years.
I'm beginning to think that some people are meant to have a significant other while some are not. I feel like I'm going to never find someone even though I want to find love.

MFP
October 3rd, 2017, 09:11 PM
Everyone feels like that, especially before they fall in love.

You want to find someone with common interests and personality traits, right? You like writing, right? Here's an idea:

1. Rent a post office box.
2. Sign up with a dating service.
3. Tell anyone who wants to communicate with you that they need to write a letter to your p.o. box, and only respond to mailed correspondence.

That's kind of an intriguing challenge for the other person. They have to make some extra investment to take the next step, and that makes you more important in their mind. It lets you get to know each other better before you meet. And it might help you find someone who's literate and likes to write.

Good luck, and remember that almost every other single person feels the same way you do.

SIR
October 4th, 2017, 02:13 AM
Maybe is your family?

http://www.chilloutpoint.com/featured/21-weird-family-photographs.html

Don't worry, I have a [very] weird family too!

;)

Bold2013
October 4th, 2017, 03:21 PM
If it's meant to be it will happen but don't force it if there can't be peace with in your home.

I was lucky... I saw her and she became the only girl I ever wanted and after pursuing her for two years she gave me a chance. Now we have been married 9 years with four kids.

SIR
October 4th, 2017, 04:20 PM
Everyone feels like that, especially before they fall in love.

You want to find someone with common interests and personality traits, right? You like writing, right? Here's an idea:

1. Rent a post office box.
2. Sign up with a dating service.
3. Tell anyone who wants to communicate with you that they need to write a letter to your p.o. box, and only respond to mailed correspondence.

That's kind of an intriguing challenge for the other person. They have to make some extra investment to take the next step, and that makes you more important in their mind. It lets you get to know each other better before you meet. And it might help you find someone who's literate and likes to write.

Good luck, and remember that almost every other single person feels the same way you do.

And/or try advertising in our Compenionship (https://fpgeeks.com/forum/group.php?groupid=11) group ;).

Lady Onogaro
October 4th, 2017, 06:41 PM
I didn't meet my husband until I was 43. I'd pretty much given up on the idea of getting married, but I kept running into this guy who was a friend of some of the graduate students in my department. He was in a different department (computer science). We would all sit around and talk in the Writing Center. At any rate, one day, I ran into him in the hall of my building, and we stood and talked for maybe 45 minutes. Finally, I had to leave, and he said, "I hope you don't mind me holding you up like this. I always enjoy our conversations so much." I thought to myself "hmmm." At lunch that day, I related the experience to my friend, then I said, "You know, I'm going to call that guy and ask him to go for coffee." She said, "I could never call a guy and ask him out." I said, "Well, it can't be any harder for us than it is for them." So I called and left a message in his department. He called me back later that day, and instead of coffee, we decided on dinner. Before our scheduled dinner, he came by to visit me three or four times. It wasn't long before we were a couple. Oh, and he was 37, had never been married, and, like me, had decided to give up his job to go back to school for a master's degree.

We've been married 16 years now. The other day, he pulled out the original pink message slip which had my name and number on it. He's kept it since 1997. Isn't that romantic?

Oh, and my parents and siblings and niece have loved him from the get go.

I won't say it's always been peaches and cream, but what's true is that I want what is best for him, and he wants what is best for me. We each try to do good things for each other. We try not to hurt each other.

SIR
October 5th, 2017, 02:59 AM
It seems everyone I date has or wants to disrespect my parents.


my parents and siblings and niece have loved him from the get go.

With hindsight, something which i should've valued more from one particular friend, and one who i should've treated as more than a friend but sadly never did, was the fact that she was someone i knew i could rely on to challenge my family when necessary (fair to say many of my friends could be generally challenging, a downside to enjoying a mix of friendship groups).

Fermata
October 6th, 2017, 03:28 AM
Perhaps it exists for some people, but not for me. Someone once told me that they worshipped the ground I walked on, I think that this was because I changed their life so fundamentally, for me they were just a close and special friend, although I wept uncontrollably for a very long time when they left me, 15 years after we met.

I dreamt last night that we married, I was devastated to wake this morning, the dream being over.

Perhaps love existed for me, I just didn't know it.

And doubt that I will again.

ethernautrix
October 6th, 2017, 03:46 PM
You are not alone.

It was the best of love; it was the worst of love. It was the WTF of love (usually).

No matter what. Always love yourself. Or, at least, like yourself. And whether or not anyone ever recognizes you (and it's mutual)... keep an open mind. You never know.

And there are no guarantees.

Some people find their "soul-mates." Most people just keep on keeping on. (But what do I know? Don't listen to me. I'm not an expert.) (I'm just keeping on keeping on. Ya know.) (Maybe it's not "MOST" people. I don't have the statistics. But there are more than seven billion persons on earth. You telling me that MOST of them are "successfully" in love?) (It is what it is.) (Try not to harden your heart, no matter what.)


Edit: WHAT?! The Internet should have a breathalyzer* before posting "wisdom." (Although I do still like "it was the WTF of love." Hah.) I should have deleted that last paragraph at least.


*Poland. Wódka. Party! Then, inexplicably, the Internet. Oh, Internet, you can be so pernicious.

Fermata
October 9th, 2017, 08:33 AM
I was talking to a friend about this subject, she sees a great deal of the more unusual side of human life and meets many men during her working day as a specialist make up artist.

I asked her about how this made her feel about men in general and seeking a close and strong, permanent bond, These were my words and near to my own love definition.

She told me that the only love, having lived for 34 years that she had ever seen or known was that from her dog. She pulled up a sleeve on her shirt to show a tattoo of a French pug with the word Daisy underneath.

To paraphrase Sinead, Nothing compares to the love of a dog.

RNHC
October 20th, 2017, 07:11 AM
Love is a chemical reaction. Chemical reaction is real, therefore, love is real. If love is real then it exists.

VertOlive
October 30th, 2017, 09:24 PM
I was simply too engaged in life to notice that 48 years had passed solo. Of course, there have been many beloved dogs...

Then the appointed Soul Mate literally appeared on my porch one morning and that was that. It happens. Or not.

Meanwhile, dive deep into life!

Lady Onogaro
November 2nd, 2017, 01:58 PM
I was simply too engaged in life to notice that 48 years had passed solo. Of course, there have been many beloved dogs...

Then the appointed Soul Mate literally appeared on my porch one morning and that was that. It happens. Or not.

Meanwhile, dive deep into life!

How did the Soul Mate appear on your porch of all the porches in the world? Will you tell us the story?

SIR
November 3rd, 2017, 05:59 PM
I was simply too engaged in life to notice that 48 years had passed solo. Of course, there have been many beloved dogs...

Then the appointed Soul Mate literally appeared on my porch one morning and that was that. It happens. Or not.

Meanwhile, dive deep into life!

How did the Soul Mate appear on your porch of all the porches in the world? Will you tell us the story?

Milk or mail delivery, maybe?

oldstoat
November 4th, 2017, 05:10 PM
Traditionally a plumber I gather...

Annie
November 19th, 2017, 02:29 AM
Yes it does exist. Finding it though, that's the tricky thing. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it.

VertOlive
November 21st, 2017, 03:47 PM
"How did the Soul Mate appear on your porch of all the porches in the world?"

Nothing glamorous. I had just moved into the condo next door to him. He walked over to offer a pizza while I was moving in...

KKay
November 21st, 2017, 10:02 PM
Spideysgirl how old are you, if you don't mind my asking? I do believe that everyone has at least one chance at love. I was lucky to find true love a couple of times. It usually comes at a time when you least expect it. Don't give up hope, but don't put your life on hold waiting for it either.

SIR
November 22nd, 2017, 08:33 AM
It usually comes at a time when you least expect it. Don't give up hope, but don't put your life on hold waiting for it either.

This; when you get out of bed/walk out of the house, tell yourself you wont find love and just go and do your thing - you'll be surprised what a lil' reverse psychology can achieve ;).

Annie
November 22nd, 2017, 03:25 PM
It usually comes at a time when you least expect it. Don't give up hope, but don't put your life on hold waiting for it either.

This; when you get out of bed/walk out of the house, tell yourself you wont find love and just go and do your thing - you'll be surprised what a lil' reverse psychology can achieve ;).

This gives me hope. Not much but some. :)

pajaro
November 29th, 2017, 03:21 PM
I was 46 when I got married to a temp who worked on the same floor where I had an office. Chance meeting. Chance invitation she left on my desk. We have been married twenty-two years.

DavidDecorator
December 21st, 2017, 04:55 PM
Yes it does exist. Finding it though, that's the tricky thing. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it.

Oh Spideysgirl. Annie is very right. The more you look for something the less likely you are to find it.
There are a couple of things to remember though. Firstly it is that anybodies opinion of you is not worth a damn, it's what you think of yourself that matters and secondly if you love your family who cares what others say about them?
I used to believe in love and now well I love my children and my family. I have respect for the mother of my two youngest but I am single and at 42 I can't be bothered to ever be in another relationship again. I'd rather concentrate on building a future for my children and a secure retirement for myself now. If it happens it happens but just because I don't have a soulmate or "the one" somewhere it doesn't have to mean that you don't.
Take this slow and go with the flow. Anything that's worn on a sleeve will get torn especially your heart.
Ok.

Rapidray
June 13th, 2018, 11:04 AM
Yes!

WabiSabi
July 28th, 2019, 11:36 AM
Love is not a single, unitary 'thing', I believe. There are many ways of loving. A serious issue when seeking a partner is actually being on the same page as them as regards the type of love you are seeking / offering. Without a deeper understanding of the types of love and of the Self one can even be in the dark as to one's own thoughts on the subject whilst firmly believing, however, that one knows and simply cannot find "it".

If you wish to be challenged to think deeply about what 'love' is then have a look into the following terms:

Eros / Storge / Philalia / Mania / Ludus / Pragma / Philautia / Agape

and then meditate on past relationships of all types with an eye on what you were / are actually seeking and what you were / are offering. I found this exercise to be both extremely challenging of my previously limited thinking and highly illuminating. It enabled me to better understand and also to question my own thoughts on 'love'.

Good luck in your search for answers!

Empty_of_Clouds
July 28th, 2019, 09:12 PM
Too much thinking. That's no way to discover love. :) It is a felt thing. If one is not receptive then it is unlikely to ever be felt. How to be receptive? Remove all judgement. That's just how it finds me.

WabiSabi
July 29th, 2019, 05:35 AM
Too much thinking. That's no way to discover love. :) It is a felt thing. If one is not receptive then it is unlikely to ever be felt. How to be receptive? Remove all judgement. That's just how it finds me.

Well, I would argue that insufficient thinking leads to the same mistakes being made over and over again. I know it was (is?) true for me and I believe it applies to many that our 'feelings' are largely based on what we believe which is based on what we know (or think we know!) , which is largely a result of thinking.

The number of marriages that fail as soon as the period of Eros has passed is, by itself, sufficient evidence that people are so out of touch with their feelings that they should not be relied upon.

Both reason and intuition / pure feeling are tools and ignoring either is done at one's peril. If all judgement is removed (virtually impossible anyway) then Plato's cogitations in the most famous treatise ever written on 'Love' (The Symposium) must surely be worth a look!

Empty_of_Clouds
July 29th, 2019, 11:59 AM
No, I don't believe it's worth a look other than for academic purposes.

The simple truth is that the vast, vast majority of people who find love, do so without any kind of philosophising. In my opinion, of course.

WabiSabi
July 29th, 2019, 12:52 PM
I hear ya and most would agree with you! The philosophising has already been done by minds far greater than ours (well, than mine, at least) so we don't need to. Just some understanding is enough on our part.

In my experience the kind of lasting, 'successful' intimate relationship love I assume you and everyone else in the thread is focusing on is significantly rarer than most people would like it to be and is a complete illusion / delusion in the "vast, vast majority" of cases, with each party wanting / offering something other than they claim.

I would assert that as long as people are determined to conflate sentimentality with 'love', whilst believing that more 'romantic' = more real then the best they are likely to find is short term lust followed by disillusionment of one kind or another. But, hey, I'm not attached to this view and would be delighted to alter it as soon as I see any evidence that suggests it is mistaken. Isolated instances do exist but they are exceptions that prove my point rather than disprove it. I wish this were wrong! :)

Empty_of_Clouds
July 29th, 2019, 01:37 PM
Fair enough. There certainly seems to be a "romantic = more real" aspect to the searching of many people, and I suspect that is driven by (or is a by-product of) relationships presented in an unrealistic manner by the media, that leads to a kind of wish fulfillment.

From my personal experience I don't think a deep abiding love occurs in an instant. It may do, but if it does I suspect it is rare. Beyond the initial attraction - for whatever reasons - I believe that enduring relationships are a work in progress throughout one's life. My wife and I, after 11 years together all told, are in that place where there is that deeper connection. We see our lives together in terms of what we are building. I feel quite fortunate to have found someone with whom to share this journey.



Edit: Coincidentally, in oour local rag this morning: https://www.odt.co.nz/lifestyle/magazine/waiting-one

TSherbs
July 29th, 2019, 08:34 PM
.....
Edit: Coincidentally, in oour local rag this morning: https://www.odt.co.nz/lifestyle/magazine/waiting-one

Oh, do I hate "destiny mindset" about love and relationships....



Sent from my Moto E (4) using Tapatalk

SIR
July 30th, 2019, 12:44 AM
to a certain degree and within reason, there is a lot to be said for "love in, love out"... but there is a spectrum and many who inhabit the extremes - be they dazzling supernovas or all consuming black holes!

SIR
July 31st, 2019, 03:59 PM
Love shouldn't need quantifying or explaining - i recently asked a colleague why he only prayed 5 times per day, shouldn't he be praying constantly?!

Love is an absolute and a constant.

Pendragon
August 2nd, 2019, 11:08 PM
You guys realize this thread was started 1-1/2 years ago, right?

SIR
August 3rd, 2019, 02:48 AM
You guys realize this thread was started 1-1/2 years ago, right?

And..?

TSherbs
August 3rd, 2019, 09:11 AM
You guys realize this thread was started 1-1/2 years ago, right?The conversation @love goes back millenia ago. 1.5 years is only a baby's breath in comparison.

Sent from my Moto E (4) using Tapatalk

Pendragon
August 4th, 2019, 05:54 PM
And..?
It might be a little out of date, in a zombie thread sort of way.


The conversation @love goes back millenia ago. 1.5 years is only a baby's breath in comparison.
1.5 million years ago, our ancestors were falling in love with baboons. That likely (hopefully) does not apply today.

Perhaps you guys are right, though, and love transcends the zombie apocalypse. ;) Ok, just in case it is still relevant and the OP still checks this thread, the least I can do is give an honest answer to the best of my ability.


I have the worst time in relationships. It seems everyone I date has or wants to disrespect my parents. I've been single now for a three years.
I'm beginning to think that some people are meant to have a significant other while some are not. I feel like I'm going to never find someone even though I want to find love.
Is there a valid reason why they are disrespecting your parents? One or two significant others having an attitude is plausible, but everyone? If there is a valid reason, then the best solution could be to keep oil and water apart, as trying to mix the two is unlikely to work. If there is no good reason why your love interests don't get along with your parents, then raising your standards for boyfriends or girlfriends might be in order. Putting up with nonsense from parents, lovers, or anyone else is generally a losing proposition.

Whether or not you are meant to have love is up to you. Your destiny is what you make it. We were put on Earth to have fun, so why not go for it? Sure, it hurts when a relationship falls apart. It also feels great when it works out. You won't hit the jackpot if you stop feeding coins into the slot machine.

All in my humble opinion. I hope you find the person of your dreams and have a lifetime of happiness together.

Empty_of_Clouds
August 4th, 2019, 07:11 PM
Don't zombies deserve some love too? :crazy_pilot:

catbert
August 4th, 2019, 10:58 PM
Don't zombies deserve some love too? :crazy_pilot:

Dead right.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3ErWNBX9Rc

Pendragon
August 4th, 2019, 11:13 PM
Don't zombies deserve some love too? :crazy_pilot:
Perhaps, but not the romantic kind. Then again, maybe not because they devour the living. That is definitely not showing us any love, except as a meal.

Wellos
March 21st, 2024, 08:30 PM
Of course, I am sure that love exists, but not everyone manages to find love. If you are currently planning a wedding, then I would like to recommend you a list of romantic songs for him https://www.weddingforward.com/love-songs-for-him/ that will help you express feelings of love. These songs are very beautiful and romantic and can really warm the hearts of your wedding guests and of course your significant other.