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Annie
May 7th, 2013, 02:13 PM
It all began on the 29th October 2010. I belonged to an online forum of hobby enthusiasts. No, I’m not going to name it – speculate if you wish but you will get no more than that out of me. On this date I received a private message from a member I did not know and to my knowledge, had no prior dealings with. I responded politely but not in a friendly ‘lets keep the chat going’ kind of way. This was my first mistake; responding at all.

Over the following weeks, this member kept sending PMs. At first I thought she was just a lonely soul but over time, it became clear that she was fishing for information on a mutual friend. Finally, the penny dropped as to why I had become the object of her attention. Nope, I wasn’t going to buy into that so she got nothing out of me as regards information and I refused her ‘friend’ request. I thought that would be the end of it but instead it seemed that she needed to comment on every post I made.

Mistake number two was including a link to my blog in my posts on the forum. That’s when it all got freaky. My blog was a not very interesting collection of ramblings and the Wordpress stats told me that I had only a few random visits on a not very regular basis. Overnight though, the stats were off the scale, all from one ip address, all from one location – hers. I didn’t think too much of it at first but she kept coming back, every day (sometimes, ten times a day) to read and re-read everything she had already read. For a blog that I updated, as most, once a day, it felt creepy.

I sent her a PM and as kindly as I could, asked why she was doing this and pointing out that it seemed excessive. She agreed she had been intrusive and said she would stay away. In fact, here’s a copy and paste from her response…” So first, I do send my sincere apology for the intrusion. There will be one less intruder, from now on.. <weak embarrassed, trying for some humor, smile ..” Great! Only she just couldn’t stay away and her repeated visits to the blog continued, reading and re-reading every post, multiple times a day.
I sent another PM, this time more formal, telling her, still politely but in clear language that her repeated visits were intrusive. I got this response.
“Direct, and clear.
I will need to read what you're referring too.
Have clearly intruded.
And will not do so again.
If I needed an awakening to time illspent, I am sorry it was at anyone expense.
an unable to see whatever it is that you were referring to.. but I am a slow reader.. as you are aware.. but good at self correcting. and will not intrude again. “ This is a copy and paste – any errors in spelling/grammar are not mine.

If only she had done what she said she would do. But she didn’t. She kept revisiting the blog, studying and re-reading every damn word over and over. She trawled the forum looking for me. She was always watching.
Having asked nicely, then told her by PM and her still watching everything I did, I took it off the forum to email. The result of that was an immediate ban from the forum. I tried to reason with a senior admin, detailing pretty much, all of the above. It fell on deaf ears and the admin never responded.

Whatever she told the admins, they bought it, hook, line and sinker. There was no right of reply and I somehow doubt if my complaint was ever read.
The constant re-reading of my blog continued, even after the ban. Imagine you are sitting in a public library scribbling away at whatever floats your boat. It could be a shopping list, a love letter, an essay. You’re sitting in a public place, right? People who pass by can read over your shoulder and you don’t care too much because you expect it because anyone can come and go. Now imagine this one individual is at your shoulder ten times a day, watching everything you write. Doesn’t feel very comfortable does it? Then imagine that you ask politely if they could leave you alone please and they just carry on, day after day and when you tell them finally to please just stop, you get thrown out of the library. There was nothing else for it. For my own sanity and privacy, I had to get out of the library.

I closed the blog and opened a new one. Such was her obsession that she found that too and the whole nightmare started again. I had to close that one too because she just would not let up.
I have recently been told what she alleged I did. All of it was fantasy. In taking my ‘gripe’ with her to email and not exposing her to be the nasty obsessive she still is, I shot myself in the foot. The admin concerned believed her fantasy. The consequence for me is that I’m fussy about who I hang around with either in person or on a forum. I reported this to the police and the stalker’s ISP and got some great advice from an anti stalking organisation. The advice was to expose her nasty behaviour every time she appears on my radar. She still does and she doesn’t like getting caught.

The admin on the forum was hoodwinked. Don’t be fooled by any admin who tells you that they never go looking for information about themselves or their forum. They do. Can I prove it? Absolutely. If ‘moderation’ means that a personality disordered individual can continue to cause havoc then they can shove it as far up their collective bottoms as it will go – sideways.

She is still ‘out there.’ She caused damage to me and to those I love. Who knows who her next target will be? The admin is still completely sure he took the right action. He suspends people from his forum for even the mention of my name. Those who know me, who I have sat in the pub with, shared a hobby with, would ( I hope) not judge me so harshly.

Am I in favour of moderation? Blimey, what do you think!

Do I still keep a blog? Oh yes. I do so because I want to and partly because if I don’t, I have allowed the stalker to win.

fountainpenkid
May 7th, 2013, 02:28 PM
That is weird. Very weird. I wouldn't call it nasty, though it isn't for me to say, but that is certainly very weird.

southpaw52
May 7th, 2013, 03:53 PM
Weird and eerie ones person obsession. Her actions were shameful indeed.

aschup
May 7th, 2013, 04:08 PM
At this point the admins might want to consider renaming the Lounge to "Air Your Dirty FPN Laundry Here."

KrazyIvan
May 7th, 2013, 04:24 PM
I agree, it sounds creepy. The sticking point is a blog is public unless you lock it down. That, of course, defeats the purpose of the blog in the first place. So maybe I just don't get it or I am missing something. Your blog is public but you don't want people to read it? It does not work that way. I visit some blogs and read, re-read and re-read again. Am I being creepy? I would like to think not and that is far from my intention. I just enjoy reading the blog(s) and sometimes miss details so I re-read.

fountainpenkid
May 7th, 2013, 04:49 PM
At this point the admins might want to consider renaming the Lounge to "Air Your Dirty FPN Laundry Here."

Annie never said it was from FPN...

AltecGreen
May 7th, 2013, 04:53 PM
At this point the admins might want to consider renaming the Lounge to "Air Your Dirty FPN Laundry Here."

That needs to be an entire board unto itself with different categories of dirty laundry.

fountainpenkid
May 7th, 2013, 05:16 PM
At this point the admins might want to consider renaming the Lounge to "Air Your Dirty FPN Laundry Here."

That needs to be an entire board unto itself with different categories of dirty laundry.

:rofl::rofl:

JustinJ
May 7th, 2013, 05:51 PM
I agree, it sounds creepy. The sticking point is a blog is public unless you lock it down. That, of course, defeats the purpose of the blog in the first place. So maybe I just don't get it or I am missing something. Your blog is public but you don't want people to read it? It does not work that way. I visit some blogs and read, re-read and re-read again. Am I being creepy? I would like to think not and that is far from my intention. I just enjoy reading the blog(s) and sometimes miss details so I re-read.

I agree Ivan with your statement of a blog. It is the internet and you're making information public. If you do not want people looking at your writings, then do not post them in a public place.

Laura N
May 7th, 2013, 05:51 PM
Annie, as a woman myself, I read this with a shudder. I understand how unnerving that is. And I really sympathize with you. And it's so upsetting, too, that you wouldn't be believed by someone in authority.

dannzeman
May 7th, 2013, 10:30 PM
You can redirect a single ip or a range of ip addresses to the url of your choosing. http://www.hostknox.com/clients/knowledgebase/361/How-to-redirect-requests-from-particular-IP-addresses-or-networks-with-modrewrite.html

Jon Szanto
May 7th, 2013, 11:03 PM
To the boys in the room who take issue with someone reading a public blog:

Unless we've been fooled, Annie is a woman. And she isn't complaining about someone reading her blog, she is pointing out, by virtue of seeing the statistics from it, a person with a very obsessive behavior, and not an unknown one, but one that had already raised the hairs on the back of the neck. In our world today, and especially for women, this kind of issue can't, nor should they be, treated lightly.

Thanks to Dan for a good tip, though I can't ascertain it's effectiveness or veracity. Let's all remember that while hosting a blog, or posting in a public forum are pretty common things, one is a fool if they don't pay attention to behaviors or events that indicate something could be terribly wrong.

Because, in fact, it could be.

Thanks, Annie, for a frank and enlightening personal saga. Not to mention complete hats off for being tough and not giving in. I owe you a pint.

Well, a dram would be better! Favorite single malt? ;)

ETA: note that Annie and I have responded to this post a little later...

Annie
May 8th, 2013, 12:08 AM
You can redirect a single ip or a range of ip addresses to the url of your choosing. http://www.hostknox.com/clients/knowledgebase/361/How-to-redirect-requests-from-particular-IP-addresses-or-networks-with-modrewrite.html

Huge thanks for this Dan.

Annie
May 8th, 2013, 12:22 AM
To the boys in the room who take issue with someone reading a public blog:

Unless we've been fooled, Annie is a woman. And she isn't complaining about someone reading her blog, she is pointing out, by virtue of seeing the statistics from it, a person with a very obsessive behavior, and not an unknown one, but one that had already raised the hairs on the back of the neck. In our world today, and especially for women, this kind of issue can't, nor should they be, treated lightly.

Thanks to Dan for a good tip, though I can't ascertain it's effectiveness or veracity. Let's all remember that while hosting a blog, or posting in a public forum are pretty common things, one is a fool if they don't pay attention to behaviors or events that indicate something could be terribly wrong.

Because, in fact, it could be.

Thanks, Annie, for a frank and enlightening personal saga. Not to mention complete hats off for being tough and not giving in. I owe you a pint.

Well, a dram would be better! Favorite single malt? ;)

The issue for me is not about being female. I would hope that any man treated in similar fashion would be able to find help. The issue for me is that the behaviour I outlined pointed to some weird character traits. Being told you are being a pest, agreeing to change your behaviour and then continuing with that behaviour for more than 2 years is worrying.

Thanks for the offer of the malt. I am a complete heathen when it comes to malt and don't have the palate to tell the difference from the good stuff and the stuff you clean out drains with. Still, coffee would be good or a glass of red.

Jon Szanto
May 8th, 2013, 12:39 AM
I stand corrected, Annie, and sorry for being presumptuous. I'd love for all aspects of life to be equivalent for the sexes, but I know that some situations are a bit more dicey for women than men. Glad that this situation didn't go in that direction.

A nice Bordeaux, perhaps? ;) Though it's such a shame, with all those fine distilleries in Scotland...

Annie
May 8th, 2013, 12:55 AM
I stand corrected, Annie, and sorry for being presumptuous. I'd love for all aspects of life to be equivalent for the sexes, but I know that some situations are a bit more dicey for women than men. Glad that this situation didn't go in that direction.

A nice Bordeaux, perhaps? ;) Though it's such a shame, with all those fine distilleries in Scotland...

Hey Jon,

Didn't mean to correct you, only to make the point that it really shouldn't matter what gender you are.

I know, I am a disappointment with malt. Don't get me wrong, I do have a very nice single malt in a glass decanter that is gathering dust. I wonder, does this stuff go off? A Bordeaux would work. No chance of dust gathering on that!

Jon Szanto
May 8th, 2013, 12:59 AM
I do have a very nice single malt in a glass decanter that is gathering dust. I wonder, does this stuff go off? A Bordeaux would work. No chance of dust gathering on that!
Well, I notice that the malts just get less and less of their 'personality' as they've been open, and even with evaporation (the "Angel's share") they just don't have as much character as when newly opened. Not that they aren't still tasty!

Yes, reds are my downfall. Though, usually, not up to the point where I'm falling down.

("Sláinte!", he says, toasting the lady with a sip of 17-year-old Bowmore)

david i
May 8th, 2013, 01:04 AM
At this point the admins might want to consider renaming the Lounge to "Air Your Dirty FPN Laundry Here."

Nah, all this is just good fun...

regards

david

Zanshin
May 8th, 2013, 01:53 AM
Did your old blog have an RSS feed to subscribe to? If so, your stalker may have just subscribed to it, along with many other feeds that interest her. Whenever, she opens her browser/reader it would refresh the feeds, thereby showing up as traffic on your blog, whether she was looking at them or not. You said your general traffic was quite low, so a constant refresh from a feed reader would stand out.

HughC
May 8th, 2013, 04:55 AM
[QUOTE=Jon Szanto;27099]
Yes, reds are my downfall.....
/QUOTE]

...really?.....just had a few excellent Cab/merlots with the better half....feel a heap better....what downside? ...opps..( noise of breaking glass, swearing, etc ..then...a thud..more choice language..)....

peterpen53
May 8th, 2013, 07:40 AM
Especially for Hugh:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AI2k6aseNqg

Annie
May 8th, 2013, 09:15 AM
Did your old blog have an RSS feed to subscribe to? If so, your stalker may have just subscribed to it, along with many other feeds that interest her. Whenever, she opens her browser/reader it would refresh the feeds, thereby showing up as traffic on your blog, whether she was looking at them or not. You said your general traffic was quite low, so a constant refresh from a feed reader would stand out.

Good point but no RSS feed. In addition to the standard site stats, when things got ugly, I installed some fancy pants software (on the advice of a geek I know) and it told me a lot of info, including the search terms used to find the second blog <shudder.> I also used fancy software for email so I could tell it had been received, read (repeatedly - obviously, we are dealing with obsessive behaviour here) and who it was forwarded to. As I say, I took advice before doing any of this.

Annie
May 8th, 2013, 09:21 AM
I do have a very nice single malt in a glass decanter that is gathering dust. I wonder, does this stuff go off? A Bordeaux would work. No chance of dust gathering on that!
Well, I notice that the malts just get less and less of their 'personality' as they've been open, and even with evaporation (the "Angel's share") they just don't have as much character as when newly opened. Not that they aren't still tasty!

Yes, reds are my downfall. Though, usually, not up to the point where I'm falling down.

("Sláinte!", he says, toasting the lady with a sip of 17-year-old Bowmore)

Well you enjoy it. I see Hugh is having a fine time with the reds Seems wine and spirits are as individual as our taste in pens. It would be a dull old world if everyone liked Safaris and Blue Nun.

Storm Cat
May 8th, 2013, 09:26 AM
Annie, that's an unnerving story. Yeah, you want people to read your blog, but when someone acts in an obsessive manner like that, following you from forum to blog, and to new blogs after that, it's uncomfortable. You have to wonder what else they're finding out about you.

There's a nasty situation going on now where a group of self-published authors have taken it upon themselves to reveal the names, addresses, phone numbers and work places of people who have given their books negative reviews. In one case, they contacted the reviewer's employer--the principal of the school where she works, and revealed the name of the principal and the name of the school. This of course, just weeks after the Newton tragedy.

I like mango pudding
May 8th, 2013, 09:44 AM
You got a PM.....


(just kidding.!!!)

Annie
May 8th, 2013, 10:11 AM
You got a PM.....


(just kidding.!!!)

Hahahahahahahahehehehehehehehe. Really, I've had lots of PMs and not one of them has bothered me. :)

Annie
May 8th, 2013, 10:13 AM
Annie, that's an unnerving story. Yeah, you want people to read your blog, but when someone acts in an obsessive manner like that, following you from forum to blog, and to new blogs after that, it's uncomfortable. You have to wonder what else they're finding out about you.

There's a nasty situation going on now where a group of self-published authors have taken it upon themselves to reveal the names, addresses, phone numbers and work places of people who have given their books negative reviews. In one case, they contacted the reviewer's employer--the principal of the school where she works, and revealed the name of the principal and the name of the school. This of course, just weeks after the Newton tragedy.

Good grief, that's terrible. :(

Pendragon
May 10th, 2013, 03:07 PM
There are plenty of wingnuts in the world who have Internet access. If some of them (or even many) view your website, why worry about it? They can't wear the site out. Any comments they make on a blog can be deleted, or the comments feature turned off. If they start sending unwanted emails, Mailwasher Pro might be a good solution. Admins or moderators may be unwilling to police members' conduct outside their forum, and likely do not see it as their responsibility. Besides, threatening to ban someone from a forum won't necessarily affect their behavior elsewhere, and could actually make it worse.

Websites are designed to be to be seen, to attract rather than exclude people. With the exception of password protected pages, putting up a website is like placing a billboard next to the highway. Telling certain individuals not to view a website or billboard, meant by their very nature to be seen by as wide an audience as possible, is an impractical and unproductive undertaking. If you want to make a information available to people worldwide, but only those you select, then why not use Facebook or Google+?

Just my two cents. Good luck in dealing with the unwanted "intruder".

klpeabody
May 11th, 2013, 07:59 AM
wow, Annie. I'm really sorry that this happened to you.

Annie
May 12th, 2013, 01:47 AM
wow, Annie. I'm really sorry that this happened to you.

Thanks. Crazy people are usually pretty easy to deal with but this one really is an obsessive. She won't change and all I can do is follow the advice I have been given which is what I am doing.