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Thread: Love. Does it even exist?

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    Senior Member pajaro's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    I was 46 when I got married to a temp who worked on the same floor where I had an office. Chance meeting. Chance invitation she left on my desk. We have been married twenty-two years.

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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Quote Originally Posted by Annie View Post
    Yes it does exist. Finding it though, that's the tricky thing. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it.
    Oh Spideysgirl. Annie is very right. The more you look for something the less likely you are to find it.
    There are a couple of things to remember though. Firstly it is that anybodies opinion of you is not worth a damn, it's what you think of yourself that matters and secondly if you love your family who cares what others say about them?
    I used to believe in love and now well I love my children and my family. I have respect for the mother of my two youngest but I am single and at 42 I can't be bothered to ever be in another relationship again. I'd rather concentrate on building a future for my children and a secure retirement for myself now. If it happens it happens but just because I don't have a soulmate or "the one" somewhere it doesn't have to mean that you don't.
    Take this slow and go with the flow. Anything that's worn on a sleeve will get torn especially your heart.
    Ok.
    Last edited by DavidDecorator; December 21st, 2017 at 05:59 PM.
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    Senior Member Rapidray's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Yes!
    0.5mm vs 0.7mm graphite sizes is much like 9mm vs 45acp...they both work if you know what you are doing. - me

    Looking for Caran d'Ache Type 55 2mm set and Rotation .7 pencils.

  4. #24
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Love is not a single, unitary 'thing', I believe. There are many ways of loving. A serious issue when seeking a partner is actually being on the same page as them as regards the type of love you are seeking / offering. Without a deeper understanding of the types of love and of the Self one can even be in the dark as to one's own thoughts on the subject whilst firmly believing, however, that one knows and simply cannot find "it".

    If you wish to be challenged to think deeply about what 'love' is then have a look into the following terms:

    Eros / Storge / Philalia / Mania / Ludus / Pragma / Philautia / Agape

    and then meditate on past relationships of all types with an eye on what you were / are actually seeking and what you were / are offering. I found this exercise to be both extremely challenging of my previously limited thinking and highly illuminating. It enabled me to better understand and also to question my own thoughts on 'love'.

    Good luck in your search for answers!
    Last edited by WabiSabi; July 28th, 2019 at 01:49 PM.

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  6. #25
    Senior Member Empty_of_Clouds's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Too much thinking. That's no way to discover love. It is a felt thing. If one is not receptive then it is unlikely to ever be felt. How to be receptive? Remove all judgement. That's just how it finds me.

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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Quote Originally Posted by Empty_of_Clouds View Post
    Too much thinking. That's no way to discover love. It is a felt thing. If one is not receptive then it is unlikely to ever be felt. How to be receptive? Remove all judgement. That's just how it finds me.
    Well, I would argue that insufficient thinking leads to the same mistakes being made over and over again. I know it was (is?) true for me and I believe it applies to many that our 'feelings' are largely based on what we believe which is based on what we know (or think we know!) , which is largely a result of thinking.

    The number of marriages that fail as soon as the period of Eros has passed is, by itself, sufficient evidence that people are so out of touch with their feelings that they should not be relied upon.

    Both reason and intuition / pure feeling are tools and ignoring either is done at one's peril. If all judgement is removed (virtually impossible anyway) then Plato's cogitations in the most famous treatise ever written on 'Love' (The Symposium) must surely be worth a look!

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    Senior Member Empty_of_Clouds's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    No, I don't believe it's worth a look other than for academic purposes.

    The simple truth is that the vast, vast majority of people who find love, do so without any kind of philosophising. In my opinion, of course.

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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    I hear ya and most would agree with you! The philosophising has already been done by minds far greater than ours (well, than mine, at least) so we don't need to. Just some understanding is enough on our part.

    In my experience the kind of lasting, 'successful' intimate relationship love I assume you and everyone else in the thread is focusing on is significantly rarer than most people would like it to be and is a complete illusion / delusion in the "vast, vast majority" of cases, with each party wanting / offering something other than they claim.

    I would assert that as long as people are determined to conflate sentimentality with 'love', whilst believing that more 'romantic' = more real then the best they are likely to find is short term lust followed by disillusionment of one kind or another. But, hey, I'm not attached to this view and would be delighted to alter it as soon as I see any evidence that suggests it is mistaken. Isolated instances do exist but they are exceptions that prove my point rather than disprove it. I wish this were wrong!

  10. #29
    Senior Member Empty_of_Clouds's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Fair enough. There certainly seems to be a "romantic = more real" aspect to the searching of many people, and I suspect that is driven by (or is a by-product of) relationships presented in an unrealistic manner by the media, that leads to a kind of wish fulfillment.

    From my personal experience I don't think a deep abiding love occurs in an instant. It may do, but if it does I suspect it is rare. Beyond the initial attraction - for whatever reasons - I believe that enduring relationships are a work in progress throughout one's life. My wife and I, after 11 years together all told, are in that place where there is that deeper connection. We see our lives together in terms of what we are building. I feel quite fortunate to have found someone with whom to share this journey.



    Edit: Coincidentally, in oour local rag this morning: https://www.odt.co.nz/lifestyle/magazine/waiting-one
    Last edited by Empty_of_Clouds; July 29th, 2019 at 07:40 PM.

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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Quote Originally Posted by Empty_of_Clouds View Post
    .....
    Edit: Coincidentally, in oour local rag this morning: https://www.odt.co.nz/lifestyle/magazine/waiting-one
    Oh, do I hate "destiny mindset" about love and relationships....



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  12. #31
    Senior Member SIR's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    to a certain degree and within reason, there is a lot to be said for "love in, love out"... but there is a spectrum and many who inhabit the extremes - be they dazzling supernovas or all consuming black holes!

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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Love shouldn't need quantifying or explaining - i recently asked a colleague why he only prayed 5 times per day, shouldn't he be praying constantly?!

    Love is an absolute and a constant.

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    Senior Member Pendragon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    You guys realize this thread was started 1-1/2 years ago, right?

  15. #34
    Senior Member SIR's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pendragon View Post
    You guys realize this thread was started 1-1/2 years ago, right?
    And..?

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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pendragon View Post
    You guys realize this thread was started 1-1/2 years ago, right?
    The conversation @love goes back millenia ago. 1.5 years is only a baby's breath in comparison.

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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Quote Originally Posted by SIR View Post
    And..?
    It might be a little out of date, in a zombie thread sort of way.

    Quote Originally Posted by TSherbs View Post
    The conversation @love goes back millenia ago. 1.5 years is only a baby's breath in comparison.
    1.5 million years ago, our ancestors were falling in love with baboons. That likely (hopefully) does not apply today.

    Perhaps you guys are right, though, and love transcends the zombie apocalypse. Ok, just in case it is still relevant and the OP still checks this thread, the least I can do is give an honest answer to the best of my ability.

    Quote Originally Posted by Spideysgirl View Post
    I have the worst time in relationships. It seems everyone I date has or wants to disrespect my parents. I've been single now for a three years.
    I'm beginning to think that some people are meant to have a significant other while some are not. I feel like I'm going to never find someone even though I want to find love.
    Is there a valid reason why they are disrespecting your parents? One or two significant others having an attitude is plausible, but everyone? If there is a valid reason, then the best solution could be to keep oil and water apart, as trying to mix the two is unlikely to work. If there is no good reason why your love interests don't get along with your parents, then raising your standards for boyfriends or girlfriends might be in order. Putting up with nonsense from parents, lovers, or anyone else is generally a losing proposition.

    Whether or not you are meant to have love is up to you. Your destiny is what you make it. We were put on Earth to have fun, so why not go for it? Sure, it hurts when a relationship falls apart. It also feels great when it works out. You won't hit the jackpot if you stop feeding coins into the slot machine.

    All in my humble opinion. I hope you find the person of your dreams and have a lifetime of happiness together.

  18. #37
    Senior Member Empty_of_Clouds's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Don't zombies deserve some love too?

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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Quote Originally Posted by Empty_of_Clouds View Post
    Don't zombies deserve some love too?
    Dead right.


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  21. #39
    Senior Member Pendragon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Love. Does it even exist?

    Quote Originally Posted by Empty_of_Clouds View Post
    Don't zombies deserve some love too?
    Perhaps, but not the romantic kind. Then again, maybe not because they devour the living. That is definitely not showing us any love, except as a meal.

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