I was 46 when I got married to a temp who worked on the same floor where I had an office. Chance meeting. Chance invitation she left on my desk. We have been married twenty-two years.
I was 46 when I got married to a temp who worked on the same floor where I had an office. Chance meeting. Chance invitation she left on my desk. We have been married twenty-two years.
Oh Spideysgirl. Annie is very right. The more you look for something the less likely you are to find it.
There are a couple of things to remember though. Firstly it is that anybodies opinion of you is not worth a damn, it's what you think of yourself that matters and secondly if you love your family who cares what others say about them?
I used to believe in love and now well I love my children and my family. I have respect for the mother of my two youngest but I am single and at 42 I can't be bothered to ever be in another relationship again. I'd rather concentrate on building a future for my children and a secure retirement for myself now. If it happens it happens but just because I don't have a soulmate or "the one" somewhere it doesn't have to mean that you don't.
Take this slow and go with the flow. Anything that's worn on a sleeve will get torn especially your heart.
Ok.
Last edited by DavidDecorator; December 21st, 2017 at 04:59 PM.
A working class hero is something to be. (John Lennon)
Yes!
0.5mm vs 0.7mm graphite sizes is much like 9mm vs 45acp...they both work if you know what you are doing. - me
Looking for Caran d'Ache Type 55 2mm set and Rotation .7 pencils.
Love is not a single, unitary 'thing', I believe. There are many ways of loving. A serious issue when seeking a partner is actually being on the same page as them as regards the type of love you are seeking / offering. Without a deeper understanding of the types of love and of the Self one can even be in the dark as to one's own thoughts on the subject whilst firmly believing, however, that one knows and simply cannot find "it".
If you wish to be challenged to think deeply about what 'love' is then have a look into the following terms:
Eros / Storge / Philalia / Mania / Ludus / Pragma / Philautia / Agape
and then meditate on past relationships of all types with an eye on what you were / are actually seeking and what you were / are offering. I found this exercise to be both extremely challenging of my previously limited thinking and highly illuminating. It enabled me to better understand and also to question my own thoughts on 'love'.
Good luck in your search for answers!
Last edited by WabiSabi; July 28th, 2019 at 12:49 PM.
SIR (July 30th, 2019)
Too much thinking. That's no way to discover love. It is a felt thing. If one is not receptive then it is unlikely to ever be felt. How to be receptive? Remove all judgement. That's just how it finds me.
Well, I would argue that insufficient thinking leads to the same mistakes being made over and over again. I know it was (is?) true for me and I believe it applies to many that our 'feelings' are largely based on what we believe which is based on what we know (or think we know!) , which is largely a result of thinking.
The number of marriages that fail as soon as the period of Eros has passed is, by itself, sufficient evidence that people are so out of touch with their feelings that they should not be relied upon.
Both reason and intuition / pure feeling are tools and ignoring either is done at one's peril. If all judgement is removed (virtually impossible anyway) then Plato's cogitations in the most famous treatise ever written on 'Love' (The Symposium) must surely be worth a look!
No, I don't believe it's worth a look other than for academic purposes.
The simple truth is that the vast, vast majority of people who find love, do so without any kind of philosophising. In my opinion, of course.
I hear ya and most would agree with you! The philosophising has already been done by minds far greater than ours (well, than mine, at least) so we don't need to. Just some understanding is enough on our part.
In my experience the kind of lasting, 'successful' intimate relationship love I assume you and everyone else in the thread is focusing on is significantly rarer than most people would like it to be and is a complete illusion / delusion in the "vast, vast majority" of cases, with each party wanting / offering something other than they claim.
I would assert that as long as people are determined to conflate sentimentality with 'love', whilst believing that more 'romantic' = more real then the best they are likely to find is short term lust followed by disillusionment of one kind or another. But, hey, I'm not attached to this view and would be delighted to alter it as soon as I see any evidence that suggests it is mistaken. Isolated instances do exist but they are exceptions that prove my point rather than disprove it. I wish this were wrong!
Fair enough. There certainly seems to be a "romantic = more real" aspect to the searching of many people, and I suspect that is driven by (or is a by-product of) relationships presented in an unrealistic manner by the media, that leads to a kind of wish fulfillment.
From my personal experience I don't think a deep abiding love occurs in an instant. It may do, but if it does I suspect it is rare. Beyond the initial attraction - for whatever reasons - I believe that enduring relationships are a work in progress throughout one's life. My wife and I, after 11 years together all told, are in that place where there is that deeper connection. We see our lives together in terms of what we are building. I feel quite fortunate to have found someone with whom to share this journey.
Edit: Coincidentally, in oour local rag this morning: https://www.odt.co.nz/lifestyle/magazine/waiting-one
Last edited by Empty_of_Clouds; July 29th, 2019 at 06:40 PM.
to a certain degree and within reason, there is a lot to be said for "love in, love out"... but there is a spectrum and many who inhabit the extremes - be they dazzling supernovas or all consuming black holes!
Love shouldn't need quantifying or explaining - i recently asked a colleague why he only prayed 5 times per day, shouldn't he be praying constantly?!
Love is an absolute and a constant.
You guys realize this thread was started 1-1/2 years ago, right?
It might be a little out of date, in a zombie thread sort of way.
1.5 million years ago, our ancestors were falling in love with baboons. That likely (hopefully) does not apply today.
Perhaps you guys are right, though, and love transcends the zombie apocalypse. Ok, just in case it is still relevant and the OP still checks this thread, the least I can do is give an honest answer to the best of my ability.
Is there a valid reason why they are disrespecting your parents? One or two significant others having an attitude is plausible, but everyone? If there is a valid reason, then the best solution could be to keep oil and water apart, as trying to mix the two is unlikely to work. If there is no good reason why your love interests don't get along with your parents, then raising your standards for boyfriends or girlfriends might be in order. Putting up with nonsense from parents, lovers, or anyone else is generally a losing proposition.
Whether or not you are meant to have love is up to you. Your destiny is what you make it. We were put on Earth to have fun, so why not go for it? Sure, it hurts when a relationship falls apart. It also feels great when it works out. You won't hit the jackpot if you stop feeding coins into the slot machine.
All in my humble opinion. I hope you find the person of your dreams and have a lifetime of happiness together.
Don't zombies deserve some love too?
Empty_of_Clouds (August 4th, 2019)
Of course, I am sure that love exists, but not everyone manages to find love. If you are currently planning a wedding, then I would like to recommend you a list of romantic songs for him https://www.weddingforward.com/love-songs-for-him/ that will help you express feelings of love. These songs are very beautiful and romantic and can really warm the hearts of your wedding guests and of course your significant other.
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