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Thread: Reductionist Job Descriptions

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    Senior Member VertOlive's Avatar
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    Default Reductionist Job Descriptions

    People have often asked me "Exactly what do you do?" When I was a chemist, the description had to be tailored to the listener and was often amusingly reductionist: "I mess with stuff to find out what's in it."

    Now that I'm interning as a funeral director the answer is "We take dead people, put a big smile on their face, and put 'em in a box."

    What, exactly, do you do?
    "Nolo esse salus sine vobis ...” —St. Augustine

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I began my working life in computer graphics, then went to art school, which has led to me now having two jobs at once. As an artist I apply layers of goop to surfaces, then re-arrange them until it's attractive and has many layers of meaning. My other is re-arranging pixels until an old mess looks like a new photo. (It helps to be able to paint when there's anatomy missing.)
    It's all about the greys...

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I am retired. I am an American Idle.
    "Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little." -Epicurus-

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    Back before I became a NEET I explained that my job was to make more mistakes than anyone else but only make a mistake once.

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I move numbers around in a spreadsheet and sometimes type then into reports when I've stopped moving them around in the spreadsheet.

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I own and operate an acupuncture clinic. So my reductionist description, I suppose, would be "I poke people with pins."

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    Senior Member AzJon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    Quote Originally Posted by VertOlive View Post

    Now that I'm interning as a funeral director the answer is "We take dead people, put a big smile on their face, and put 'em in a box."

    What, exactly, do you do?
    That reminds me of how one of my dad's friends used to answer the phone. He'd pick up and either say, "Steve's mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em!" or "Steve's Crematorium, you kill 'em we grill 'em!"

    Steve was an odd cat.

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    Senior Member VertOlive's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    Quote Originally Posted by AzJon View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by VertOlive View Post

    Now that I'm interning as a funeral director the answer is "We take dead people, put a big smile on their face, and put 'em in a box."

    What, exactly, do you do?
    That reminds me of how one of my dad's friends used to answer the phone. He'd pick up and either say, "Steve's mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em!" or "Steve's Crematorium, you kill 'em we grill 'em!"

    Steve was an odd cat.
    Definitely hard core, old school!
    "Nolo esse salus sine vobis ...” —St. Augustine

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I talk, a lot, in front of eighteen-year-olds who sometimes listen to me. Also rub a piece of chalk on a piece of slate until my hands are white.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I apologize for literature.

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    Quote Originally Posted by TSherbs View Post
    I apologize for literature.
    This has me laughing harder than it probably should.

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    Quote Originally Posted by VertOlive View Post
    ...Now that I'm interning as a funeral director the answer is "We take dead people, put a big smile on their face, and put 'em in a box."
    That got a smile from me, I must admit, although it would not have a year and a half ago when I was making arrangements for my mother. But in a job where almost all your clients are grieving, I can see how you'd have to keep some sense of humor about it.

    In my job, I suppose you could say that I pace around nervously waiting for things to break, and try not to panic when they do. I'm a lead electronics technician at a satellite Earth station, and I do my best to keep us on the air.
    "If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly."
    G.K. Chesterton

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    Quote Originally Posted by VertOlive View Post
    People have often asked me "Exactly what do you do?" When I was a chemist, the description had to be tailored to the listener and was often amusingly reductionist: "I mess with stuff to find out what's in it."

    Now that I'm interning as a funeral director the answer is "We take dead people, put a big smile on their face, and put 'em in a box."

    What, exactly, do you do?
    Among my first jobs I list 'Driver, Hearse'. Yes for 50 in cash I would pick up a passenger and deliver said passenger to the Director.

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I persuade and dissuade people.

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I have done quite a few things.... You would have to talk to others to see if I was any good in them.
    Worked in nukes. Have a distinctive glow about me. Became a teacher there. Got downsized.
    Had a business making flat tires round again. Got dirty. Sold it.
    Maintained stuff until I overheard the association manager say on the phone that she would suck the information I had out of me, then fire me. The next day she had my keys and gate card on her desk.
    Used a computer to put words and other things on paper. Two friends in the business said I should have asked them first.... Walked away but learned something from it.
    Worked my way up in Lions Clubs International. Great organizaton, still there.
    Since I retired (tired again) I learned to cut keys, pick locks. It keeps me out of the house. I do have a key to get in. Must be doing OK. Still there.
    We have met the enemy and he is us.
    -Pogo

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    Senior Member Morgaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I've helped people get slightly merry for money giving them some liquid to imbibe, also what goes in must come out so one of the things I had to do was to make sure paper was installed in the cubicles.

    Also tried to ask people questions on a variety of things so that companies can find out if they are doing things right.

    Didn't enjoy walking around knocking on doors/cold-calling to persuade people to order eggs and veg, and things for delivery every fortnight.

    I've searched online and collated information into a database.

    People picked their own veg on a farm but still have to pay, giving me the money to put in the till.

    Had a go at making numbers add up, playing hunt the invoice.

    What else?

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    Various jobs in my life.

    I look for patterns in numbers. (Investment analyst)
    I take bits of wood and put holes in them until they sound good. (Wind instrument maker. Have also been known to use said perfected bits of wood in anger and get paid for that, too.)
    I find out things and tell people. (Journalist)
    I invent things and tell people. (Fiction writer)
    and...
    I send money a long way away and hope it will remember to come back. (Investor)

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    I'm a professor…
    I tell one group of people things I don't know a lot about but they think I'm an expert.
    I write about things I'm an expert on but another group of people think I don't know anything.

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    On the flip side, what does your actual job title say you do?

    Perhaps, if I was once a 'Shift Supervisor', did I work my way up from 'Stocking Supervisor' and through 'Brief Supervisor'?

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    Default Re: Reductionist Job Descriptions

    As a Marine Corps Officer for 23 years, I'd say I spent my time killing people and breaking stuff in a highly efficient manner; got hit in the head too hard and after I awoke two weeks later they said I had to stop. Now I don't kill people, I still break stuff (just not the same stuff), and I'm now a full time agitator to my bride...

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