Quid rides? Mutato nomine de te fabula narratur. — Horace
(What are you laughing at? Just change the name and the joke’s on you.)
Try the introductory apologies to the reader in the book The Noble Deeds and Sayings of Gargantua and Pantagruel by Francois Rabelais. Or, hell, I could just write you one. Most people find the format unfamiliar enough to be off-putting. If you write a letter in that format and use archaic English, it just weirds them out. These are the people who will go into a Korean restaurant and order hamburgers.
"Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little." -Epicurus-
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