Final instructions

[DumDum]

With the new corona virus pandemic in full swing, and considering at my advanced age I am firmly in the "at risk of severe consequences" group, I couldn't help but think about endings. Specifically, about one's final instructions.

I would imagine that most people have at some point either contemplated writing, or have written, a last will and testament, but does anyone include instructions to their inheritors/executors on how to disengage their now incorporeal self from the various internet memberships that they have accrued over the years? Or do they leave their online presence to simply whither away into the obscuring fog of memory?

Sorry if this is all a bit morbid. I did notice that there were announcements for the passing of some luminaries in the pen world, though I suppose that their absence was inevitably going to be missed. Other, less well known persons, may disappear without anyone noticing at all.

To be clear, this is not a call for any kind of recognition, only whether people consider formally tying up online loose ends.


At 76 I am within 4 years of life expectancy for gentlemen in the UK. This pandemic heightens the sense of the fragility if my life now. Frankly, I'm a bit scared.

[DumDum]

Thank you Mr Szanto, those are comforting words at a troubling time. Unfortunately as we aged (wife and I) most of our friends and colleagues have passed on, and we have no children or other family. Neither of us are particularly gregarious and so we hadn't sought to fill vacancies (as it were) in our roll of friends. While me and the wife have talked about what's going on, she seems somewhat impervious to the current atmospheric mood. In that, I envy her. She's not ignorant or uneducated, and neither is she especially fatalistic. YEt she manages to just carry on - taking precautions of course - as if everything is status quo. I am enormously proud of her strength.

By the by, I have never heard of Brian Doyle, so I looked him up with a search engine. I may have to add that book to my modest collection.

ta muchly,

Simon

[DumDum]

Well, that was a bit weird. The letter I was replying to has disappeared when I submitted my reply.

[LeFreak]

I've had a trust and will since I turned 49. I think it's a responsible thing to do.

I have a letter of instruction to my executor that lists, among other things, where to find my passwords and a few online places I frequent where he or she might want to post an announcement. I also state that the executor shouldn't bother if it's too much trouble. Both my potential executors have a copy.

[DumDum]

Yes, I too have had a will for quite some time, but may have to update it to include some of the more modern things one gets involved in. Passwords were always a bugbear for me. Many tech advisors told me not to use the same password for everything, and that led to having too many of the darned things to remember easily. Not even sure if all of them are written down somewhere; perhaps they existed in fragment form in some old a senile brain cells.

[LeFreak]

By the way, I feel you about aging with no children and older friends. My closest friends are many years older than me; my partner is older than I am, and we're not married. It can be a little frightening when medical emergencies occur.

I have one younger friend who lives about 500 miles away who agreed to be my executor if my partner dies before me. I also gave her the name of my estate attorney's firm, as they'll appoint an executor if she's not up to the task.

I dread the thought of leaving a mess behind. I'm doing a little Swedish Death Cleaning, which feels good.

[Cookedj]

I learned early on about getting your affairs in order, and keeping them up to date, from being in the military. Both my wife and I are turning 50 this year, and are already looking at updating our wills, insurance etc. Our oldest daughter know where the binder is with all the vital information in case something happens to both of us. I don't feel the topic is morbid at all, but one that needs to be discussed. I wish you well Dumdum.

[Aurelius]

As someone who is currently working as executor for my mother who passed away about a month and a half ago, I can say that even people who are diligent about planning may overlook such things. While she did have a written list of passwords, we were lucky to find it and recognize it as such since it was not part of any of the state planning documents she had but was instead in her address book on her night table next to the bed (which made sense since most of her online activity was via an iPad while in bed). Since I am going through it right now, I will strongly recommend that you make a list of all your accounts, especially if there are any automatic payments or recurring orders, and make it clear to whoever is to be the executor where to find them.

I was lucky that most of the "harder" ones were there but people should be aware that some things are not retrievable without the password. For example, Apple can do nothing to unlock a device without the PIN except to wipe it clean deleting all the contents. Similarly, Google can provide a copy of all the mail data after being provided with proper documentation, but, without a password, you cannot get in to the account.

Just wanted to pass along a few of the things I have learned.

[LeFreak]

As someone who is currently working as executor for my mother who passed away about a month and a half ago, I can say that even people who are diligent about planning may overlook such things. While she did have a written list of passwords, we were lucky to find it and recognize it as such since it was not part of any of the state planning documents she had but was instead in her address book on her night table next to the bed (which made sense since most of her online activity was via an iPad while in bed). Since I am going through it right now, I will strongly recommend that you make a list of all your accounts, especially if there are any automatic payments or recurring orders, and make it clear to whoever is to be the executor where to find them.

I was lucky that most of the "harder" ones were there but people should be aware that some things are not retrievable without the password. For example, Apple can do nothing to unlock a device without the PIN except to wipe it clean deleting all the contents. Similarly, Google can provide a copy of all the mail data after being provided with proper documentation, but, without a password, you cannot get in to the account.

Just wanted to pass along a few of the things I have learned.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Chuck Naill]

A hand written will is actually quite durable in the US. Since we are a community of FP users, it would be easy over a short while to construct what you would prefer to happen with your belonging once you pass.

While the COVID-19 pandemic is on everyone's mind, death is always near. When you consider the many ways our lives can end, a pandemic simply brings to mind our mortality/morbidity. We are always living one second from death. So, for me, it means living more in the moment than the past or future.

I hike this 10 mile mountain trail connecting four trails each Sunday morning. Some sections are quite remote and I am alone. The aloneness is exhilarating. Last year I spooked/ encountered a bear last. I paused, waited, the bear got curious and turned around. I've been asked numerous times if I was scared. I wasn't. I was definitely in the moment.

I am afraid too often we live our lives reflecting or worrying. We don't enjoy time with others for being distracted. Perhaps it takes a pandemic to force to enjoy each second, each minute.

[Waski_the_Squirrel]

Years ago, I was part of a forum that lost a member. He was friends in real life with several of the members, so we all knew he had passed. In other forums, people come and go for no reason other than being busy, and you never really know. I've been on hiatus from here for months at a time, and no one notices.

I wonder more about my pen pals with whom I'm in regular correspondence. One time I stop responding to letters. How do they know? I've also thought a lot about a photo website that I own. It has over a decade worth of photos of kids at a rural school, and all tagged by name. If I die, those photos will be gone once I quit paying the bills.

I've watched certain YouTube channels for years and then, suddenly, all their videos are gone without warning. in one case I later learned the full story, but in other cases, nothing.


The electronic world is, by nature, more ephemeral. My books, my pens, my house, my STUFF will all be left behind as a physical reminder of me. At a minimum, someone will have to cart them all to a landfill. My iTunes music, my Kindle books, my YouTube channel, and so on will all simply evaporate when I'm gone.

What I've realized is that I'm okay with it. I'll be dead. I value a lot more the kids whose lives I've influenced by teaching. Next to them, the people whose lives I've touched in some way. That is how I want to live on. Whether my name is forgotten or not is not important. Some great scientist or great teacher may be who they are because of the influence of a science teacher in Podunkville, ND, and they don't even know it, and I'm happy with that.

Or maybe I've never meant anything to anyone and my passing will be unnoticed. I'll be dead, so I'm okay with that too!

[TSherbs]

Years ago, I was part of a forum that lost a member. He was friends in real life with several of the members, so we all knew he had passed. In other forums, people come and go for no reason other than being busy, and you never really know. I've been on hiatus from here for months at a time, and no one notices.

I wonder more about my pen pals with whom I'm in regular correspondence. One time I stop responding to letters. How do they know? I've also thought a lot about a photo website that I own. It has over a decade worth of photos of kids at a rural school, and all tagged by name. If I die, those photos will be gone once I quit paying the bills.

I've watched certain YouTube channels for years and then, suddenly, all their videos are gone without warning. in one case I later learned the full story, but in other cases, nothing.


The electronic world is, by nature, more ephemeral. My books, my pens, my house, my STUFF will all be left behind as a physical reminder of me. At a minimum, someone will have to cart them all to a landfill. My iTunes music, my Kindle books, my YouTube channel, and so on will all simply evaporate when I'm gone.

What I've realized is that I'm okay with it. I'll be dead. I value a lot more the kids whose lives I've influenced by teaching. Next to them, the people whose lives I've touched in some way. That is how I want to live on. Whether my name is forgotten or not is not important. Some great scientist or great teacher may be who they are because of the influence of a science teacher in Podunkville, ND, and they don't even know it, and I'm happy with that.

Or maybe I've never meant anything to anyone and my passing will be unnoticed. I'll be dead, so I'm okay with that too!

I've got kids. I'm over 60. I've got a will. I don't care what happens to any of my stuff. I don't want it to be a burden to anyone. I will likely start getting rid of things when I hit 65 (if I do). Things are just burdens when it is soul-time.

Your post makes me think of Shelley's "Ozymandias." Shelley cared a lot for the waning legacy of the king. But Ozymandias himself?--likely not so much: he be dead.

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[silverlifter]

Your post makes me think of Shelley's "Ozymandias." Shelley cared a lot for the waning legacy of the king. But Ozymandias himself?--likely not so much: he be dead.

Other way around: Ozymandias was convinced his legacy would live on, PBS ironically notes that "Nothing beside remains"...

[TSherbs]

Your post makes me think of Shelley's "Ozymandias." Shelley cared a lot for the waning legacy of the king. But Ozymandias himself?--likely not so much: he be dead.

Other way around: Ozymandias was convinced his legacy would live on, PBS ironically notes that "Nothing beside remains"...

Right, but Ozzy only felt this way BEFORE he was extinguished (that was Waski's point above: that the dead have no feelings). Ozzy had no feelings subsequent to his extinguishment. And Shelley understands (and conveys) the disillusionment that Ozymandias can't: cuz Ozzy be dead.

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[DumDum]

Little off topic, interesting though. Every time I see PB Shelley I think his first name is Peanut Butter. The vague way an aged mind works.

Any road up, not getting as much sleep as I should, but have found what non English people may find a rather eccentric solution. The soothing sounds of the Shipping Forecast (there are hours long collections online) together with rainymood.com playing softly in the background. Surprisingly soothing.

Perhaps one has to be over a certain age to be affected by it, though understanding what it means is not required. Try it!