The Four Phases of Retirement

[dneal]

Ok, this should be non-contentious. It could go in the lounge, but I'll put it here instead as a gesture of positivity.

Google must be spying on me, because this was recommended in the "play next" section of YouTube. I retired 2 1/2 years ago. My older brother retired a couple of years before that. My uncle just retired within the last year and a former coworker retired in April.

TSherbs said he is retiring this year, so maybe he finds this helpful. I assume there are several on here who have also been through this process, and have variables around age and income and whatnot... and the lessons learned associated with that. Most all of us will go through this at some point.

He says there are four phases.

I. The "Vacation Phase".
- you get to do what you want.
- you have freedom

II. Loss and Lost
- "Big 5": Routine, Identity, Relationships, Purpose, Power
- 3D's: Divorce, depression, decline

III. Trial and Error
- How to make life meaningful again?

IV. Reinvent and Rewire
- What's my purpose?
- How do I squeeze the juice out of retirement?
- Meaningful and rewarding (old coots)

The guy takes a minute or two to get going. You can skip ahead to the 3 minute mark or so.

[dneal]

For me the process went something like this:

Phase I: I definitely enjoyed the "vacation" feeling. The weird thing for me was a sense that I was on vacation and I had to go back to work at some point. I maintained that "I ain't doing shit unless I have to" attitude for a month or two.

Phase II:
- "Big 5" I didn't miss most of that. Didn't miss routine, didn't miss purpose, didn't miss power (which to me is responsibility). I'm secure in my identity. I really missed the relationships. The camaraderie of the environment.

- 3 D's: Wife and I are in this for the long haul, so divorce wasn't an issue or possibility. I could see how some relationships could end up that way though... finding out you don't really like each other, or getting underfoot so to speak. There was some adjustment, mainly figuring out that we each still needed our personal time. We solved that with personal spaces and that it's ok. Depression was a non-issue for me. Decline is a concern as part of aging, but actually I've had more time to get healthy. Not sitting in an office, not working 10-12 hours a day, and not having deadlines or responsibility is a lot of stress relieved leading to just feeling better all around.

Phase III: I got to this pretty quick. I've considered what I "could" do. Lots of folks ask if I'll get a different job. I entertain the idea periodically, and have lots of standing offers (many in Europe, and it would be fun to live there again). I romanticize the idea, and then think of the stress. Lack of stress is worth a lot of money.

I bought a house that needs updated and 6 acres that were neglected somewhat. That was with the intent of something to keep me busy. I cleared an acre of about 35 trees, attacked 400' of overgrown fence line and some other areas with a vengeance the first year, but at some point realized it doesn't all have to be done right now. I do a little every day, and enjoy it.

Phase IV: My purpose has always been along the line of Seneca's "There's no cure for life or death except to enjoy the interval". I didn't have a goal of being a general when I was working (some folks do, some make it, and most are disappointed). I can find every day meaningful and rewarding.

I suppose I'm somewhere between the speaker's phase III and IV (with a little phase I mixed in). There are a lot of things I can do, and maybe I'll try them (Ph III). I'll take advantage of $50/credit hour state university benefits maybe. I'll get around to writing some articles for professional journals. Right now I'm happy milling around the house with stuff that can be done. I go to my brother's and my uncle's and help them, and they come over here and help me. We socialize and fill that "relationships" hole, and expand our network of friends as we meet each other's circle of friends.

Mainly I'm enjoying having the time to learn. Perfecting sourdough, planning a small orchard. Cultivating an environment with native plants and wildlife. Also Seneca: "No man became wise by chance".

[dneal]

[22.0912-0913/54.16.6]

archive search

data retrieved from mid 20th century ce indicates correlation of loss of engagement with early death post retirement

data retrieved from current time space indicates that maintaining engagement post lifetime of work-related engagement key to successful ageing post retirement

data is promising not strong

consensus has not been built

There's an Army joke about Sergeants Major dying in the 1st year of retirement (but there's truth to the joke...)

I had a guy who worked for me in Germany. I knew he was older, but I guessed late 60's. I asked him "when did you get to Germany?"

I didn't expect him to say: "July '45". He was in his early 80's. A 19 year old kid from Brooklyn married a German girl and spent the rest of his life there, working for the U.S. DOD. Many fun and funny stories...

One day he came to work a little bummed. His neighbor died, and the reality of mortality was made present. I asked what his neighbor did. What his purpose was. Essentially, he didn't have one. He just existed.

It can be many things, but purpose is important.

[Chuck Naill]

I agree purpose is important if not essential. Relevance in they purpose also life giving. My personal retirement was planned and executed.

Retirement and others transitions have been life giving. Trying to live in the moment a challenge.

David Brooks introduced a life hack quote that said not to try to describe your life, but to focus on the next three years. I hope to adopt this strategy.

[kazoolaw]

June was too soon, but 12/31/22, my retirement date, approaches.
Appreciate sharing the video, but more so your experiences. I'm too contrary to think that things move sequentially through the phases, so it's good to read dneal's experience.
Funny how often people find things they're just sure I should do as soon as I retire.
When I was new to my profession many men who retired were miserable.
Over the years that's changed greatly. A former client, now a good friend was a former tank commander, then a hard driving labor lawyer who always had a host of entrepreneurial projects on the side. In retirement, heis joyful man, quick to laugh, and to extend his care and support in troubled times.
I'd be very interested in hearing more about orchards, fencelines, finding and living purposefully.
Maybe start an old coots advice booth.

[Chuck Naill]

Learn to live in the moment (if you don't already) and don't pass up opportunities to do good. The most disappointing thing to see is an old man who is also filled with grievances toward younger generations and their own personal disappointments over "woulda, coulda, shoulda".

[dneal]

June was too soon, but 12/31/22, my retirement date, approaches.
Appreciate sharing the video, but more so your experiences. I'm too contrary to think that things move sequentially through the phases, so it's good to read dneal's experience.
Funny how often people find things they're just sure I should do as soon as I retire.
When I was new to my profession many men who retired were miserable.
Over the years that's changed greatly. A former client, now a good friend was a former tank commander, then a hard driving labor lawyer who always had a host of entrepreneurial projects on the side. In retirement, heis joyful man, quick to laugh, and to extend his care and support in troubled times.
I'd be very interested in hearing more about orchards, fencelines, finding and living purposefully.
Maybe start an old coots advice booth.

I mentioned earlier that at some point I realized I don't have to get everything done right now. I've kind of worked it into a 5 year plan at this point. Major things to accomplish are:

Re-grade the ground between the house and the shop. It looks like the excavator made two piles when digging the shop foundation, let grass grow over them and planted a tree on one. I finally convinced the wife the tree was dying (every tree planted seems to have not had the wire root basket removed...). We cut it down, dug up the stump, but it's been too dry (ground too hard) to grade with my Kubota.

Clear the fencerow along the driveway. I'm getting ready to start that. In addition to the sumac and saplings, it's overgrown with wild grapes, Virginia creeper and poison ivy; which is strangling out the large trees that will be left.

Rebuild the retaining wall behind the house (about 200' long and 4' high - a lot of blocks...)

Clear the saplings and lower branches of cedars between the house and the pond, so the missus can better see the water from the porch.

Plant some fruit trees in the "upper pasture" (really just a clear acre away from the house).

Get one of those geodesic greenhouses.

I've got two patio doors I want to replace with sliders, a deck to rebuild, two bathrooms to remodel and some trim-work to finish - but covid and the stupid material prices that I refuse to pay put that on hold ($12 for a $3 2x4? puhleeze...). Everything is functional, and just needs updated. Prices are coming back down, and I've got lots of time.

I got a LinkedIn account some years ago, with the prompting of a friend; and get the weekly "here's a job" email. I look at them and imagine the positives, but then think of the negatives. I've decided that the lack of stress is worth a lot of money. I won't own a beach house in the Bahamas or a Ferrari, but my life is simple and I get by quite comfortably.

I consume a lot of information about all sorts of things, and ponder the implications. It's good mental exercise (which is supposed to be beneficial later in life), and I want to write it down in some sort of essay/blog/substack format; but it still feels like work, so I don't. One of the latest came from a LinkedIn opening for a senior leadership coordinator sort of job, who would work for the VP of leadership. I've got lots of opinions on that, the first of which is that the VP of leadership probably needs fired. I get distracted and would rather practice a new guitar study, cook a pot of soup, or sit on the porch and watch nature.

I did finally get around to burning an enormous brush pile - probably 40'x20', and 9' high. It had sat there since spring, got named "the rabbit mansion" because they went to it immediately to breed all summer. I waited for that to be over, but it's been really dry and I just recently had an opportunity to burn it.

[dneal]

I'm often asked how I'm finding retirement, and my reply is "life is like a closet full of perfect Saturdays".

It could be sitting around in a robe like the Big Lebowski sipping White Russians (metaphorically - I don't drink). It could be working hard outside in the crisp fall air. Taking the wife out to dinner or the art museum. Mowing the yard or straightening up a workbench and listening to a podcast. It could be reading a book and smoking a cigar.

I wake up, look outside, and then browse through my "closet of perfect Saturdays", and pick one (or two, or three).

[TSherbs]

I'm often asked how I'm finding retirement, and my reply is "life is like a closet full of perfect Saturdays".

It could be sitting around in a robe like the Big Lebowski sipping White Russians (metaphorically - I don't drink). It could be working hard outside in the crisp fall air. Taking the wife out to dinner or the art museum. Mowing the yard or straightening up a workbench and listening to a podcast. It could be reading a book and smoking a cigar.

I wake up, look outside, and then browse through my "closet of perfect Saturdays", and pick one (or two, or three).

nice, I share sentiment, except for the "perfect" part. I am still dealing some some bullshit daily, although no longer part of my former employment...

Are you done with active parentling? I can't remember if you have ever mentioned having children....

[dneal]

I have a 20-something son who experiences the challenges typical of his gender, age, and generation.

"Perfect" is of course subjective, but that only means it's an issue of attitude toward circumstances.

[TSherbs]

I have called my sense of free time "luxurious."

[TSherbs]

June was too soon, but 12/31/22, my retirement date, approaches.
Appreciate sharing the video, but more so your experiences. I'm too contrary to think that things move sequentially through the phases, so it's good to read dneal's experience.
Funny how often people find things they're just sure I should do as soon as I retire.
When I was new to my profession many men who retired were miserable.
Over the years that's changed greatly. A former client, now a good friend was a former tank commander, then a hard driving labor lawyer who always had a host of entrepreneurial projects on the side. In retirement, heis joyful man, quick to laugh, and to extend his care and support in troubled times.
I'd be very interested in hearing more about orchards, fencelines, finding and living purposefully.
Maybe start an old coots advice booth.

Good luck with your transition....but in response to your last sentence, I thought of this passage from Thoreau, Walden:

There is no odor so bad as that which arises from goodness tainted. It is human, it is divine, carrion. If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life, as from that dry and parching wind of the African deserts called the simoom, which fills the mouth and nose and ears and eyes with dust till you are suffocated, for fear that I should get some of his good done to me, - some of its virus mingled with my blood. No, -in this case I would rather suffer evil the natural way.

[kazoolaw]

Sobering thought, but I'm not that serious about it.

[Chuck Naill]

Is that you, Kaz?

[TSherbs]

Sobering thought, but I'm not that serious about it.

Thoreau was being wry, too. And sober, no doubt.

[Chuck Naill]

Old men should have wisdom instead of $80k pickup trucks .

[TSherbs]

Old men should have wisdom instead of $80k pickup trucks .

What is this about? Are you chastizing someone for owning a nice pick-up truck??

[Bold2013]

Sobering thought, but I'm not that serious about it.

I would take advice from retired you.

[Chuck Naill]

Fuck off , Ted! Lol!

[kazoolaw]

Sobering thought, but I'm not that serious about it.

Thoreau was being wry, too. And sober, no doubt.

May have been my mood, but "odor" "tainted" and "carrion" kind of soured me on the quote.
I'll give it another shot. Don't see "wry" around much these days.