No, you didn't "gift" anyone anything

[Niner]

I carred my friend to the auto repair shop to retrieve his vehicle. He wanted to show his thanks, so he lunched me at a restaurant. Afterward, I went home and washered a load of towels. When the washer cycle ended, I dryered the towels. Then I typewritered a rough draft of this post and, finally, I've keyboarded the final version here.

Maybe the reason I loathe the pretend verb "gift" is that the first time I heard it it came from the trap of a soft yuppie I worked with. (Well, I worked. He mostly goofed off and tried not to perspire.) Anyway, I don't like it and I'm prepared to do something about it. I'll never use the word that way and I hereby guarantee to pay everyone else $10.00 US to never again use (or to never begin using) any form of "gift" as a verb.

To be clear, I will pay everyone. So that's $10.00 grand total for everyone. That includes those not yet born. Y'all decide how you want to split it up. If you want to try paying estates of the deceased with it, that's up to you.